Grandmother's Eulogy

Betty Crothers Eulogy  - January 3, 2016

Good Afternoon. For those of you who don’t know me, I am Sarah – Betty Crother’s granddaughter. I’m honored to have the opportunity to give the eulogy for Grandmother, because she was one of the most important and influential people in my life. 

Although there are not enough words to share adequately how much she shaped me into who I am today, I hope this eulogy will serve to memorialize an amazing woman who has impacted each of us in this room.

Whether she was our mother, sister, grandmother, GG (great grandmother), mother-in-law, aunt, cousin or friend – we all have stories of the role she played in our lives. Each one of us came here with a memory of her—a memory or experience that others in this room may not even know about. I hope that this eulogy will help you to see the bigger picture of her life. Our gratitude to God for her life is so great, because we can now see grandmother’s life as finished rather than unfinished. Complete, rather than incomplete. Just as you can never fully appreciate a great painting until the artist has put in the last strokes of his brush and it is complete, as we all share our memories, the bigger picture of who Grandmother was will be revealed.  After the eulogy, there will be time for any of you to share a memory as well.

Have you ever wondered how she became this person that drew us all here this afternoon? How did this incredible mother, doting grandmother, strong woman and independent spirit develop?

Helen Keller once said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet, Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

Grandmother could have written this.

Grandmother’s strong character was developed as she faced hardships and disabilities in an era where there was not a lot of assistance for people with disabilities or support for women to be successful or independent. She was born in 1930 with many physical challenges, including spinal bifida, and she spent a majority of her childhood in Shriner’s Hospital, where she not only faced numerous surgeries, but also faced them alone. She was told she would never be able to walk or even drive a car.

Parents and family were only allowed to visit a few times a year. Imagine spending most of your childhood alone and in pain. The picture would be bleak if it was not for her determination. Somehow amidst these struggles, Grandmother developed a calm strength that she carried with her the rest of her life.

That was just one of many obstacles she faced and overcame.

For most of her life, there were no laws or assistance provided to people with disabilities. The American with Disabilities Act that ensures equal opportunity and access wasn’t passed until 1990, when Grandmother was 60 years old. She had an uphill battle – her community and world were not easy to physically navigate. Because of this, during this time few persons with disabilities succeeded -- unless they were strong, fiercely independent and empowered.

And that was Grandmother – not just back then – but today. She strongly stood up for herself, insisting she be given every opportunity and access. Everyone here can probably attest to that. She did not let her disability define her.

My Dad often remarked about how many times Grandmother would not let him hold her hand to help her walk or help her with most tasks when she could do it herself. Even when she got to the place in recent years after her hip injury where she did need help—she still tried to do it on her own.

She loved fiercely, was fiercely proud, and fiercely protected her family. And she was a lady. (And she made sure her daughter and granddaughters were taught how to be ladies as well.) I can't count the number of times that she told us to take our elbows off the table growing up, followed by "I hope you never do that at the Vanderbilt's!” She carried herself with great dignity and expected us to do the same.

Grandmother loved many things – her family, her friends, the beach, bridge, and lets not forget an ice-cold coke and chocolate milkshakes! I want to share some memories from a few of her favorite things.

In Florida

 Her Work

After graduating from Fort Hill High School she went on to Hagerstown Business School and then got a job at the University of Maryland College Park. Later, she worked for the Prince Georges County School System as a teacher's aide and secretary, where she retired with over 20 years of service.

Can I just remark -- that is impressive – she loved her work! I don’t hear many stories of women from her era that took pride in their work—and had a sense of independence. She had her own savings account that she put her salary in – and it was HERS. She proudly told us about this all the time growing up—and as an adult I have appreciated even more her desire to instill in us that we could be financially independent.

She was loved so much, that when she retired, they even brought a bus of students to her house to visit. And most importantly, perhaps it was her job as a teacher’s aide where Grandmother perfected her “look.” If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of one of her “looks”, then you know what I’m talking about! ** Or she may have perfected it with Holly – most parents could run after their kids, but she had “the look.”

Pop

The University of Maryland job turned out to not just be a good career experience – but so much more. As I’ve heard the story told: One-day Grandmother was backing her new car into a parking space on the college park campus where she worked. Up on the third floor, a young graduate student noticed that and the next time he came into her office, he said, "You can really park that car". What a pick up line, right??

After he left, Betty Brown asked, "Who was that?" Turns out it was a handsome young fellow named John Crothers. Before long this young man made the big ask.. Will you.. type my master's thesis?? Obviously that took a lot of time “conferring together” on that – and the rest we can say is history. Pop got his Masters in 1954, so Grandmother must have done a mighty fine job typing up that master’s thesis. When Grandmother was asked, how much she charged him.. She said, that she told everyone that Pop couldn't afford what she charged, so he had to marry her! 

Grandmother and Pop on their wedding day

And they had 53 years together. John was her great love, and when his Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s became bad she was the one there taking care of him, and she wanted to do that.

Holly

Let’s talk about the most important person in her life – her pride and joy, Holly Anne. Holly was her world. Holly had her and Pop’s undivided attention (and she says they were careful never to spoil her with possessions.. only love and attention). The last time Rachel visited Grandmother, she showed Grandmother a recent photo of her with Holly. 

Thanksgiving 2015

 She remarked – “Oh my Sweet Holly.” Holly visited her several times a week at Hart, and Grandmother loved that. Grandmother LOVED shopping for Mom --- in recent years Rachel was her personal shopper, and she always wanted to 1) make sure Mom had a new Christmas outfit and 2) give her something that she was really excited about. She loved giving gifts—it was one of her favorite things to do.

Grandmother also grew to love Holly’s husband, aka Dad. 

Grandmother eventually even started calling him her “favorite” son in law – after many years. Haha.

 

Sisters

Grandmother loved her sisters (Suzy, Mitzie and Darlene)—nothing would make her happier than when they got to spend time together. She would always talk about them and tell me stories. These last few years as her health declined, she was less mobile and didn’t get to leave Hart Heritage as much or see out-of-town people as often. In the recent years, her sister Suzy (and brother in law Tom) really went out of their way to continue to be a constant presence in her life – and it meant the world to her. Whether it was driving up from Bethany Beach each month to take her to lunch or shopping or bringing her milkshakes.

Grandchildren

After Holly, her grandchildren were her everything. She loved us more than life itself – and there was absolutely nothing she wouldn’t do for us. We grew up with her in our lives on an almost daily basis. From our frequent “chit chats”, to her dressing me and Rachel as twins (we are talking going ALL out –we have the pictures to prove it)..

Matching outfits and hair ;)

to her rolling our hair in curlers, to singing “A helper I will be” or “Santa Claus is coming to town” – it changed depending on the season. There are so many memories growing up – there are few memories without her and Pop actually. She instilled in us the importance of being little ladies and our manners – unfortunately I’ve forgotten a few of those tips throughout the years! She had high standards for us. She wanted us to have any and every opportunity and she would have moved mountains to ensure that happened. And she did. She helped us reach them. She believed in our success in every possible avenue of life and was there to help make it happen.

She was always our biggest cheerleader – from my youngest age I can’t remember a single event, holiday, concert, recital or really anything important where she wasn’t there. She was always there – I often joked to others she was my “2^nd mom.” And the feeling was mutual – I adored her too. In fact, last night my mom found a hand written poster I had made in elementary school of “things I like” – Grandmother was #3 (right after Easter and Christmas). She beat out the beach, mom and dad – and even Jesus! That’s saying a lot.

And then there is her wonderful grandson, Garon – she absolutely adored him. She was so proud of him—making sure he knew how much he was loved. “Garon, I am so proud of you” – she said this to all of us, but especially Garon. She truly believed he could do anything! She loved to dote on him and spoil him with lots of fun activities during his trips to Florida—walks with Pop, golf cart rides (she even let him drive!) She knew he would grow up to be a handsome young man, and he has! She always remarks how tall he is, and like us – would always tell him to stand up straight!

 

Garon shared some of his favorite memories – he said “She always liked to give me hugs and say I love you to me”. His favorite memories are the epic golf cart rides, eating with them in the Charlestown dining room, and going to look at the Poinsettia tree at Charlestown.

My memories

When I lived in Baltimore City, I was only a few miles away from Grandmother and Pop’s home in Catonsville. During these years I came to have dinner with them several times a month. And as Pop’s health declined I also came to take Grandmother grocery shopping and have a lot of girl time. There was nothing she loved more than going out to lunch or just spending time talking. I’d often stay over in their spare bedroom – even as an adult – and even though my apartment was 15 minutes away. Other than wanting to hear about my job, she always wanted to know every single detail about my love life. “Are there any young, handsome men in your life?” (Translation: are you dating a wealthy doctor?) To which I would always respond – Yep. I have a lot of handsome men in my life! To which I would get “the look” in response– especially if that was all the information she would get! I’d also get that look when I told her to stop worry about when I’d get married, because I was going to elope (to her ghastly horror). But “don’t worry,” I’d always say – “I’ll be sure to send you a post card.” As you can tell—we loved to give each other a hard time ;)  

 

Great Grandkids

While I was busy traveling around the world, thankfully my sister got married and had adorable babies, so that Grandmother could experience being a great-grandmother (GG).

She became GG in 2012 when Max Lawson was born (which made it all the more special because he was named after Pop) She was always concerned with how big Rachel’s stomach was and thought it was twins during each pregnancy! She wanted to make sure the kids had the best everything- stroller, car seat, etc.

She LOVED hearing the ridiculous stories of the kids’ antics, but even more she loved when they would visit and run around the sunroom at Hart. And they loved it too, especially max! He always asked if GG would be there when heading to a family event. We are so happy Max, Jack and Abby all got to meet her, and we have such great pictures and videos of them all together!

BEACH

We couldn’t memorialize Grandmother without mentioning the beach. After Pop and Mom and her family, the BEACH was one of her other great LOVES! Her and Pop started vacationing there each summer when Mom was little, starting in Fenwick Island and then the Addy Sea in Bethany.  Most of my childhood memories are at the beach – because we’d spend most of every summer there with them at Swann Keys and the love of the beach was ingrained in us from the start. 

Grandmother loved the beach so much that she would go down to the beach the night before leaving and cry. It must run in the family, because I’m pretty sure my Mom has continued that tradition of crying when she leaves the beach!

In front of Addy Sea

Grandmother never missed a summer at the beach.  Even in the last few years when she was no longer able to stay on her own and was immobile, Suzy and Tom made it possible—opening up their home, driving her around, and ensuring that she still had the best time with sun, food and family. She even got to see her great-grandkids experience the beach for the first time, something that would not have been possible without Suzy and Tom—not only was Grandmother grateful, but our family will forever be grateful for their sacrifices for her.

Florida

Grandmother also loved the time she spent in Florida every winter with Pop. And she even let us join her! She and Pop loved it and so did we! She was such a rec director- always lining up fun things for our family to do. She would keep up with us at Disney World, take us to dinner theaters, museums, the beach, ice hockey games, tours of fancy Florida houses, zoos, game nights, fresh squeezed orange juice, rides in the golf cart – I could go on and on.

Friend and Caretaker

Betty was not just a great wife, mom, grandmother, GG, sister and aunt --- she was also a great friend. One of her favorite things to do was to play Bridge— her Bridge group was very close knit in Laurel, and she continued to play bridge everywhere she lived. She kept track of her friends as they moved around! She was the queen of letter-writing, and was always calling friends to check in.

She modeled in her life that you should always be helping others. There was always a handful (or more) or people that she was taking care of one way or another. Whether it was the neighbors she would always invite for dinner, or the person living next door that she would take care of, or members of our church that she got to know. Even 3 days before she died, she was asking about my dad’s family--- his mom and sisters—Diane and Jan. Even when she couldn’t’ remember most things, she always thinking about others and wanting to make sure everyone was doing okay.

At the end of Pop’s life, he was the focus of her care. Even as he progressed to the point of needing more than her help, she wanted to be the one to take care of him everyday.

Conclusion Part I

As Rachel shared in a recent blog post, Grandmother walked with a cane, but as we grew up seeing it we never really thought much about it. It didn’t define at all who she was to us. This taught us that a disability is just a part of a person—it is not the whole and it does not have to be a barrier. She taught us to see the world through the eyes of someone who sometimes had to fight for equality. I’ll never forget the story about how a long time ago in her Bonita Springs community, they wouldn’t let her drive around in a golf cart because she “wasn’t golfing.” But she wanted to use it as transportation since she couldn’t walk or bike around the big neighborhood like everyone else. She had a lawyer send the neighborhood association a very nice letter stating that she WOULD be driving her golf cart around and that if they had any questions or concerns about her disability that they could contact her lawyer. Then she got in the golf cart and went riding everyday, and they never bothered her again. Garon, of course, was quite pleased with this outcome, as golf cart rides with Grandmother were one of his favorite things (mine too!).

Her strong will and determination to have access and equality for herself and for her grandson influenced both my sister and I—and we have both chosen careers focused on providing opportunity and equal rights to people who are marginalized, vulnerable or disabled in the US and around the world. Although her first choice would have been for us to become podiatrists, she couldn’t have been more proud of the paths we chose.

Conclusion Part II

I wouldn’t be who I was today without Grandmother – Holly being her only child, and I being the first granddaughter – we had a very special relationship. Even as dementia began to steal her away from us she always beamed when I would visit. Over the last seven years I’ve lived in Denver so the visits were much more sparse. But seeing her face light up and her ecstatic announcement to everyone around her “this is my granddaughter from Colorado”  -- and every time she would ask me “Do you really like living out there?” and “When are you moving home?” I gently told her I wasn’t, but I knew she was still proud of me and the work I was doing anyways. Whenever I would leave to go back to Colorado I never wanted to say goodbye because I knew she would cry. And she did--- every single time. She would always ask when I would be back, and oftentimes it would be months away (which prompted “the look”). As I left I would always tell her I loved her. She would always respond in a singsong voice where you could hear her holding back tears, “but I love you more.” And I know that she did.

I want to leave you with a few words of advice from Grandmother to take with you:

1.  Mind your manners! Don’t put your elbows on the table.
2. If someone gives you something, send a thank you note. (Oops – sorry Grandmother I’m terrible at this..)
3. Stand up tall – tall is beautiful. (And as Garon remembers – “Grandmother says when I stand up tall I am even more handsome”)
4. A new dress is necessary for any and all occasions (Amen to that! I’ve followed that wise advice very well)
5. Always talk to the person next to you on the airplane – it might be a handsome, single rich doctor. (That’s never been my experience – but Grandmother I’ll do it for you)

I want to end by saying --- “Grandmother, I love you.” And up in heaven right now I know she’s saying back – “But I Love YOU more.”

Overcome Evil with Good??

It never gets any easier to see or live through senseless acts of evil and violence. That is what I’ve been thinking a lot about over the last few days since the Aurora theater massacre. Hitting so close to my home here in Denver, it’s incomprehensible how someone could be brought to a point so desperately low that he could take innocent lives, young lives that were only at the beginning of their life journey.

Rutshuru in 2007

In my career in humanitarian aid, I’ve experienced pure evil constantly on the job—from interviewing villagers in the D.R. Congo who have had their homes and families attacked by rebels, to hearing the story of a former colleague in Sierra Leone who had been kidnapped and lured into a nightmare of sex trafficking, to walking beside families in Zambia where death is an everyday reality that robs them of their children, parents and friends. Just a couple weeks ago, I learned that Rutshuru, a village in the D.R. Congo where I have visited as part of my previous job at World Relief, was attacked by rebels, just one act in a seemingly unending “war” that has taken millions of innocent lives.

I’ve seen tragedy strike in the slums of Kenya where children play in raw sewage without a hope for a future, and I’ve seen it strike a few miles down the road from where I live in a midnight showing massacre. All these stories leave me confused and angry that such evil is even possible.

And they leave me asking the aching question: why?

It makes me heart-haltingly angry. Why does God allow such awful suffering? Is it wrong to even ask that? Is that something we’ll ever fully understand? Michael Hidalgo, my pastor at Denver Community Church, affirmed this past Sunday that it is good and natural to ask these questions. He also reminded us that in times like this, we are called to overcome evil with good.

Just let that sink in.

“Overcoming evil with good” sounds nice and all, but it is also hard! Part of me wants every person who has destroyed innocent life and spirit, and who allows corruption to oppress the vulnerable, to be served the punishment justice would require.  I know that if I let myself, I could get wrapped up in hatred and loathing for individuals who bring injustice, oppression and death.  I don’t know if I thought it would get easier over the years or that I would become desensitized after awhile, but it doesn’t get easier.

Overcome Evil with Good 
What I’ve learned through the last 10 years of international relief work is that if we don’t overcome evil with good, then evil will always win. So, where is the good? In times of destruction and death, communities are brought together in grief. Communities lean on each other—opening up homes, preparing meals, donating money and resources, praying for peace and fighting to rebuild their lives. I’ve had the privilege of meeting people who have chosen to overcome evil with good, and they can inspire us all that there is hope.

• In Kenya, an incredible man, Moses, purposefully lives in the slums so that he can walk alongside and encourage children—giving them hope for an education and a better life. He could just be angry at the corrupt government, but he uses his anger to bring good.
• In my neighborhood (the Eastside of Denver), neighbors are uniting to say that gang violence will not destroy our community—the 4th Annual Eastside Peace March is August 11, 2012.
• In DR Congo, villages are coming together to form Village Peace Committees to help resolve violent and destructive conflicts.
• In Denver, Extreme Community Makeover organizes volunteers to go into low-income, underserved neighborhoods and help with home and neighborhood improvement projects—building a sense of community.
• In response to the Aurora theater massacre, thousands of people are flocking to donate  and provide assistance to the survivors and the families of the victims. From prayer vigils, counseling services and support groups—the community is responding.

Standing Together

In the wake of the tragedy of the Aurora shooting, my church sang this hymn last Sunday:

Oh death! Where is your sting?
Oh hell! Where is your victory?
Oh Church! Come stand in the light.
The glory of God has defeated the night.

I was struck by the powerful message that, regardless of your faith, can resonant and encourage us as we grieve.  We don’t have to let death and evil destroy our community. We will come together to pray, to give, to encourage, to inspire, to bring hope and to let the world know that although there are those who have the propensity to spread hatred, there are many more who are working to make the world and our city a better place. We should never stop being angry about such senseless acts of violence and horror, but we can let our anger propel us to continue working to spread love and hope in the world.

In Denver and in communities throughout the world, the strength of love and community has the power to overcome the darkest days. And that is what can help us all through these hard times.

A Fransiscan Blessing

I came across this in an email about Lent.  What a great blessing for us to have.  I don't ever want to not get angry when I think about the injustice and oppression in the world.  And I don't ever want to not believe I can make a difference.

A Franciscan Blessing
May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen.
May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. Amen.
May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, hunger, and war, so that you may reach out your hands to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen.

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen.

And the blessing of God who creates, redeems and sanctifies be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen.

Are Good Intentions Enough?

I'll be the first to admit, when I hear about some of the health and economic problems in developing countries - I want to jump on a plane and just "do something" to help.  And there is nothing wrong with that desire - it's a good thing to feel burdened for those who are suffering.  However, are good intentions always enough? 

I highly recommend reading this article -especially if you are considering doing the same (jumping on a plane to "do something").  It's a response to an article by Nick Kristof of the NY Times (who I actually really admire for the coverage he's given to humanitarian issues around the world.  Noone else has done as much as he has to bring these issues to light.)  However, the response article makes a good point - the "do-it-yourself" approach to these issues that Kristof highlights is not always the best response.  Here's the Kristof article if you haven't read it:  Please note - I'm not saying it's bad to try to help without any experience - but you do need to be careful and perhaps look for ways to empower the work a local community is already doing instead of imposing on them. 

Here's a great example of "doing something" without imposing: The individual who I highly admire from Kristof's article, Lisa Shannon, I met when I worked on Congo issues in DC several years ago.  She has made it her life's work to raise awareness, fundraise, and advocate for women in the D.R. Congo.  She has not tried to "create" any organization that starts projects or "do-it herself".  Instead, she uses her strengths to support an existing organization, Women for Women International, that works at the community level in the D.R. Congo.  This is a great example of how any person can make a huge difference by working to support what is already going on. 

When I was graduating from college, I really wanted to join the Peace Corps.  I wanted to DO SOMETHING to help a community in a developing country.  But I also realized I knew nothing about international development - so what could I possibly have to offer as a naive, 21-yr old American whose only trip outside the country had ever been to Europe.  So instead I chose to go to graduate school to study International Economic Development first.  To learn the tools of how to understand other cultures, how to work with communities at a grassroots level, how to include beneficiaries in the planning process to learn what THEY want for their community, and how to not impose my ideas of "good development" on a community.  I am so grateful that I made this decision - because when I finally had an opportunity to work with a local organization in India, I was much more prepared.  My eyes were opened that my good intentions are not enough - although they ARE my daily motivation!   

End Hate Crimes Against the Homeless

The National Coalition for the Homeless, in its August 2010 report on Hate Crimes Against the Homeless, declared: “Violent, often fatal, attacks on homeless Americans now outnumber all other categories of hate crimes combined." Last year alone there were 43 murders, and over the past decade there have been 1,100 documented attacks including 300 homicides. These numbers are likely extremely low due to under-reporting. Attacks have included such things as dousing the homeless with gasoline and setting on fire, to beating with baseball bats.

It is important that "homelessness" is added to federal Hate Crimes Legislation. Only a handful of states now include homelessness in their state legislation, but the homeless need to be protected on a national level as well. We must stand up for society's most vulnerable victims.

I've always believed that each of us has the power to change lives and impact the world for the better.  While interning on Capitol Hill in college - I learned how important contituents letters and phone calls were to let my congressman know the issues that were important to his community.  Please look at this petition and sign it - it asks our elected officials to include homelessness as a protected group within Hate Crimes Legislation. 
 
Petition is here: http://homelessness.change.org/petitions/view/end_hate_crimes_against_the_homeless

Imagine No More Malaria

Every 30 seconds a child dies from Malaria. Malaria kills almost one million people each year - and almost a billion people are affected around the world.  Those stats alone are horrific - but especially when realizing malaria is PREVENTABLE!  Frankly it pisses me off and makes me so incredibly sad. While living in Zambia, I can't even count the number of families I visited that said malaria was their biggest health problem.  I was lucky - I not only had access to anti-malarial medication, but I also knew to sleep under a bednet.  So I was doubly protected.  Others were not.  And most people had friends or family who had died.  Its a tragic story - but one that can be changed. 

Spread by the bite of affected mosquitos that bite only at night, sleeping under an insecticide-treated bednet can reduce the number of deaths dramatically.  Many people living in poverty in Africa and Asia aren't informed about this prevention or can't even afford the $10 to purchase a bednet for each family member.

Today is World Malaria Day - a day set aside each year to educate others about this global issue and advocate for people to help us end this preventable disease.  By donating $10 - less then we all spend going out to eat every week, a life can be saved.  As little as $10 buys a bednet for one person.  I'm so inspired by so many people who are fighting to end this terrible disease.  Like the United Methodist Church (which I am a member of).  The church my dad pastors, Bel Air United Methodist CHurch, and thousands others are uniting to raise $75 million dollars in their "Imagine no more Malaria" initiative.  http://www.umc.org/site/c.lwL4KnN1LtH/b.2550337/k.DE5F/Malaria_Initiatives_of_The_United_Methodist_Church.htm
This is the program I'll be supporting - but there are so many out there making a difference in the lives of families in Africa and Asia. There are many to choose from!

This is something that is so close to my heart.  I've seen lives lost, and it breaks my heart.  Please think about donating as little as $10. 

My Refugee Friends

Even after I started working for a local non-profit in Denver– my heart for international development did not go away, and I still wanted to be involved somehow. I definitely missed the whole cross-cultural element of my previous job. When I learned of an opportunity to be a mentor for a refugee family that was being resettled in Denver I was so excited!


Refugees are people who have been forced to flee their home country because of a well-founded fear of persecution, due to race, religion, nationality, or membership in a particular social or political group. Often times they are fleeing war and violence – events that are traumatizing. The family that my mentor team gets to be friends with is from Burma – a country in Southeast Asia. Burma is a country I’ve always been fascinated with – and closely followed what’s going on with the brutal dictatorship there.

Our family – the “Reh’s”- were living in a refugee camp in Thailand until they were officially resettled in the United States in November by Lutheran Family Services (LFS). Talk about culture shock – can you imagine growing up in a refugee camp in very primitive conditions and then in a matter of days being put on an airplane and being moved to the cold, wintery weather of Denver? Never having used a stove or maybe even had running water?? I wish I could know what was going through their minds as we met them at the airport. The three kids were of course smiling and happy, but their parents looked tired and weary. They didn’t know a word of English – and probably wondered why there was a welcoming crew at the airport for them! We drove them to their apartment that we had set up, along with their case manager (who speaks Burmese fluently), and they started on their new journey as U.S. Residents.

It’s not easy being a refugee in the United States. There are a lot of overwhelming experiences all at once! Thankfully the case managers at LFS help the family with all the logistical/financial arrangements. The mentor team which I’m a part of, is tasked with “cultural orientation” and basically just being their friend. The Reh family has experienced grocery shopping, pizza, baking cookies, English lessons, and just “hanging out” with us. It’s not easy – even 4.5 months in they have limited English skills – but it’s been exciting seeing the kids talk more and more each week. And their smiles and laughs at us crazy Americans makes it all worthwhile. Next week the kids will get to experience their first MLB baseball game – pictures to come!

I'm Back!

Three years since you last heard from me - and so much has happened! I moved from the East Coast to Colorado - the land of skiing, blue skies, and Blue Moon. It's been the best decision I've ever made- made some of the greatest friends and am enjoying the lifestyle out here.

Still passionate about the same things - social justice, helping the poor and vulnerable, fighting human trafficking. Working for a local organization that serves the homeless has really given me an insight into poverty in the US. My heart is still overseas - but I love being able to serve so close to home and know I'm making a difference in my community.

Will start posting more about the things I'm passionate about.

Congo February 2007

Can't believe I haven't updated my blog since August! I've been pretty busy since then -- traveled to Burundi, Rwanda and Congo in Sept/Oct, Zimbabwe and South Africa in Dec/Jan and now I'm in Congo/Burundi again for about a month. As much as I love traveling -- I'm ready for some downtime back home!!Our operations manager and I traveled to the DR Congo the beginning of February to do a mini-assessment and fact-finding mission for our department as we consider expanding our operational programs there to meet the needs of refugees returning and internally displaced people fleeing fighting.(These are temporary shelters built by displaced Congolese fleeing form fighting in their communities) It's really sad...

We definitely found that the need was enormous. No question. The two weeks spent in the DR Congo were full of adventures and stories quite unlike anything I've experienced. Days and days of the worst "roads" in the entire world (that's not just our opinions -- that's the truth!), fording streams, getting stuck in deep potholes and in mud more than 6 times in one day, almost getting stuck out in the middle of nowhere/jungle after dark,

meeting with rebel leaders, visiting villages in the jungle, staying in a city covered with volcanic hardened lava, checkpoints, visiting villages only accessible by boat,

And... NO LUGGAGE for 11 days... I felt a bit like Indiana Jones... Well enough about that -- here are some pics!! Some are beautiful, some are sad... Brandon (our ops manager) took many more amazing photos that I'll upload when I return!



Yes... these are miniature fish we're eating... they are SO GOOD! You just eat it all in one bite -- eyeballs, bones and all ;)


















And of course, the kids are adorable everywhere you go. It breaks my heart to see the conditions they live in -- but I'm hopeful that World Relief will continue to work in their communities - building schools, providing health programs, and rebuilding livelihoods.






All in all, it was a good trip because we were able to get all the information we needed to inform decisionmaking back at HQ. And we couldn't have chosen a more beautiful country to visit -- the mountains, lakes, rivers and palm trees make it look like something out of paradise. It's hard to believe that such a beautiful country has been ravaged by war and violence for so many years.

Darfur and the Middle East

This is an incredible op-ed by Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times. He consistently highlights the humanitarian emergency in Darfur -- something the media has largely forgotten. This op-ed compares what is happening in Lebanon to what is happening in Darfur. He is right on -- it doesn't make sense... I agree that what is happening in Lebanon is disgusting (see my post below) and it can be easily resolved by Israel's cessation of targeting civilians. However, what is happening in Darfur is a GENOCIDE and it has impacted hundreds of thousands of civilians while the world largely just ignores it. It is not fair.

New York Times
August 8, 2006
Op-Ed Columnist

Shrugs for the Dead
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

This is the tale of two military interventions, of which one happened and the other didn’t.

Three weeks ago, with President Bush supplying the weaponry and moral support, Israel began bombarding Lebanon. The war has killed hundreds of people, galvanized international attention and may lead to an international force of perhaps 20,000 peacekeepers.

Three years ago, Sudan began a genocide against African tribes in its Darfur region. That war has killed hundreds of thousands of people, and it is now spreading. There is talk of U.N. peacekeepers someday, but none are anywhere in sight.

The moral of the story? Never, ever be born to a tribe that is victim to genocide in Africa.

Arabs have often argued that Americans have a double standard in the Middle East: We are more solicitous of casualties in Israel than in Gaza or Lebanon. I think they’re right, for a variety of reasons. (One is that terror attacks are particularly newsworthy; another is that journalists are more likely to live in Jerusalem than Gaza.)

But if we have double standards, so do Arabs. I sympathize with their horror at what is happening in Lebanon, but I wish they were just as outraged when Muslims slaughter Muslims in Darfur.

Even the world as a whole has double standards. The U.S. and European countries are working frenetically on a U.N. solution in Lebanon, and there is talk of rapidly sending European peacekeepers to stop the bloodshed. In Darfur, there is nothing like as much interest in what is often considered the ultimate human crime: genocide.

The Tyndall Report, which monitors television network evening news programs, says that since the bombardment of Lebanon began, the crisis there has received more minutes of coverage on average each week than the Darfur genocide has received in total since it began in 2003.

Meanwhile, Darfur continues to drift toward chaos, and the contagion is spreading into Chad and Central African Republic. We may remember Darfur as only the beginning of a much broader calamity in all three countries that ended up claiming millions of lives.

There is, of course, no direct connection between the events in Lebanon and those in Darfur. But indirectly there is: the Arab president of Sudan is manipulating the anti-American feeling sweeping the Arab world to bolster his own authority and defy peacekeeping efforts. In this crazy world of ours, the bombardment of Lebanon has become one more reason to kill African villagers.

So what do we do with these two messes?

In the case of the Middle East, it’s time to use the crisis to push for a major settlement between Israel and Lebanon, even if that means Israel gives up Shebaa Farms and the U.S. engages in direct talks with Syria. Also, President Bush should put much more energy and initiative into he Israeli-Palestinian peace effort.

Sandy Berger, the former national security adviser, says that when he was flying by helicopter to the Israeli-Palestinian talks at Camp David in 2000, President Clinton turned to him and said, “We’re either going to succeed or get caught trying.” In other words, even if the effort to achieve a Middle East peace failed, there would still be a payoff for the U.S. in the court of global public opinion.

“We used to get criticized all the time for being too tough on the Palestinians, on the Arabs,” said Dennis Ross, a Middle East envoy for both President Clinton and the first President Bush. “But nobody ever accused us of not being passionate about trying to resolve the conflict. We got enormous credit for that, because we showed we weren’t indifferent to a core grievance in the region. It’s been an enormous mistake in the last few years to send a message of indifference.”

In the case of Darfur, what we need is precisely the attention that the Lebanon conflict has been getting in the last few weeks; a high-level U.S. envoy would be a start. And while we’re working to get U.N. peacekeepers into Darfur itself, we need to send an international force to the Chad side of the Sudan-Chad border, to stop the genocidal marauders who are invading Chad and destabilizing that country. Chad wants such a force — and it just might keep the catastrophe from spreading across the region.

Both of these cataclysms demand our attention. The killing of children is a tragedy even when they lack geopolitical significance, even when they are simply part of a knotty African genocide that doesn’t make the television news.